Characters

THE BEZERKER! Steven "The Hybrid Renegade Spick-and-Span Barbarian" Howeird!

Steven Howeird, once known as "Hulk Howeird" was a somewhat eccentric kid who loved pro-wrestling, pro boxing, NFL football and body building. Worshipped muscular/ripped actors and athletes in the mid-to-late 1980s, and often emulated pro wrestlers such as Ultimate Warrior, Randy "Macho Man" Savage, Hulk Hogan and the Bushwackers. However, a childhood incident when he fell in a barn and a nail lodged into his skull with no apparent effects other than giving him a lazy eye, Howeird lived on with the help of strange-looking Geordi La Forge glasses (despite HATING Star Trek, which led to some ridicule).

At some point in his teens, Steven started acting abnormally odd, sing a different character every day, Sometimes a pro-wrestler - often the indiscernible "Warrior power" messages from Ultimate Warrior. Sometimes Arnold Schwarzenegger. Sometimes as a Rabbi or Priest. And his Russian hat and Herschel Walker Vikings jersey combined with these things truly made for an odd sight. Mockery led him to dispatching of his Star Trek glasses, and then led to even more ridicule. Seeking popularity, he attempted to join his friend Chrusher's amatuer vigilante group - the Conquerors. Dressed in nothing but a leopard-print loin cloth and wielding a massive battle axe, complete with his slicked-back hair in the front and partially ponytailed mullet in the back, he failed. Badly beaten by other Conqueror tryouts, he was dropped unconscious into the garbage, where his sanity seemed to leave him during his slumber.

Upon his awakening, his sexuality became completely limitless - male, female, and creatures were not free from his wandering lustful lazy eye and advances. A junkyard territorial battle with Mike Butski left him with no other option, to defeat the Chrusher to get revenge for his humiliating defeat!

Steven has many names, and many personalities. He also appears to have his own language, that apparently only HE knows, as it has no structure other than sounding like gibberish. Claims to be descended from Viking Warriors, Arabian Pirates, Jewish holy men, Conquistadors, and Hispanic mystics and warlords, nobody truly understands exactly what he truly is or is about. Is he mad? Or is he what he says he is and just very eccentric? Nobody truly knows. But when he snaps and is enraged, Barbarian is extremely powerful, manically violent, and viciously lethal.

A disturbed social worker. Spnds his free time dressed as a furry flower who has a magic treat box for kids at a pocket at his crotch. Spends most if his free time on video game message boards posting of how evil Christian Republicans are ruining the world by not being open to legalizing his sexuality.

Blubbery slobby-looking man is apparently one of Oswegonia Hospital's best doctors. Vajayjay oddly enough was the one responsible for naming Justin Plankton's reanimated corpse the "Grim Raker," something that his his earthly troubles were ended over.

Jeff is a trusted friend of Chrusher, joined the Conquerors as a double-agent and was at first a Welforce spy until Ian Babblet figured it out and sent them disturbing information (including homsexual orgy invites). Master of a move known as "the "Earricane" - which used his great balance (due to abnormally large ears) to delivery spinning shoulder blocks, hip checks, punches, knees and elbows that look like a blur or a hurricane. Nearly unstoppable... until it stops, as he is susceptible to easy knockouts once the move ceases due to dizziness. Jeff's very small and skinny body grew into his ears and he became a military man and police officer.

Hook-nosed fat slob of a woman who once dated Mush. She and her mother apparently believed that she was God's gift to men who deserved a tall, filthy rich, exceedingly handsome man in good shape. Apparently, the mirrors and glasses in that household are in serious need of updating. Lives on a farm, and lonely nights can lead to some crrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzy things.

A large, red necked ruffian who plays football... but not for the art of the game. Nope. He plays it to legally put a hurting on the guy across the line of scrimmage from him. Sadistic, but does have a sense of humor buried under the muscle and intimidating stares.

A Japanese immigrant who came to America to find his relatives, deceased sensei's surviving protégés, and select American masters to complete his training in bujutsu. Meeting the Chrusher while fighting a mutual enemy, Matsuo took Chrusher under his wing to teach him purer bujutsu after Chrusher's American martial arts teacher was murdered via expert fashion; presumably by a disciple of kan-aku na ninjutsu, and possibly darker, more sinister disciplines.

Beloved member or the Lunaticials, The bastard Bucky is a lovable kid with a big heart whose disabilities are more a strength than a disability. Usually speaks in stares, grunts and hand gestures, Buck's trusting soul is susceptible for possesion. Mr. Corrodedwithshitfaceman will see to it to use Buck to further his own purposes.

Just a regular, every day high school boy. Who dresses like a ninja. And jumps into classrooms and throws shurikens and swings katana blades at classmates. And lops off arms and such. Yep. Completely normal.

Character from the Star Wars Universe. Non-canon sketchbook artwork by Christopher Galletta Stevens.

Ian is a mathematical genius. Referred to as a human calculator, he often can solve any equation in his own mind before an average person can with a calculator. Due to this, he skipped two grades in public school. Being younger, more immature and far weaker than most of his classmates, he was a bit of an introverted, quiet nerd until he was recruited into Welforce by Foule and Butski. Once in Welforce, it was apparent that the other members were truly incompetent with stunningly low-IQ and sorry cognitive skills. Ian's confidence started showing, as by year two, he went from the quiet strategist on the side to the full-fledged leader, and led Welforce to it's 1st victory over the Conquerors in Chrusher's absence. He developed a dark side in this period, frustrated that he was unable to score with hot chicks and as a firm believer in gay rights (before they were championed by the mainstream media and progressive socialists), even experimented with gay activities with Foule and Butski. Heartbroken that a chick that he was in puppy love with was in love with Chrusher, it fueled his anger and he became more obsessed with defeating the Conquerors. After high school, he joined the Navy and attempted to defeat RaYzor and Chrusher a handful of times, but lost. Chrusher believed that Ian buried the hatchet and they were to be friends, but losing his faith in God during college, he became an atheist evangelist of sorts, which again fanned the flames of his anger issues. Following his father's footsteps, he has become a Nuclaer Engineer. His brother is Eric "Babs" Babblet, who is good friends with Chrusher, much to Ian's dismay. He has been lurking in the background for years, apparently waiting to strike.

Belligerent Go-kart track operator with a nasty, in-your-face, and often illogical temper. Known to be a confirmed cheat and believed to be a worker's comp fraud by everyone, yet is immensely popular and people like him everywhere because he is believed to be the chummy founder of a popular track even though he does not own nor fund the track (rich businessmen do), and even stole the idea of a dirt track and weekly racing from Chrusher's brother ("Musher" - founder of a go-kart track and karting club that pre-dates Jimmay's track by over thirteen years and that he raced at a year before, whom he barred from the track for winning too much. Location and financing mean EVERYTHING folks). Holds grudges and is susceptible to future heart failure due to his anger issues. Not really an important character in the comic, he just happened to be in the newspaper, so he gets a bio.

Character from the Transformers toy/cartoon/comic book/movie franchise. Non-canon appearance, just a sketchbook entry by author/artist Christopher Galletta Stevens

Johnny is quite the character. The guy will TALK YOUR EAR OFF. He has a million tales, most of which cannot possibly be true, but some are so you don't know whether or not to trust or mistrust him. As a kid, had an accident that turned his skin green and he became known as the Green Gibshit. Many skin bleaches returned it to it's natural cacasian hue. Becaomes a private detective who annoys the living shit out of everybpdy around him, but actually does sometimes get the job done. Just... not very often.

Exceedingly stupid kid who expects Santa to drop hot fudge and warm lemonade down the chimney in June.

Mr. David Butts is actually the original Crusher Comic character, invented in the early 1980s and drawn when Chris Stevens was around 7-12 years old. Once was a man of many occupations and appeared to be as prolific as Barbie (pro wrestler, surfer, astronaut, rocker, construction worker, boxer, Transformers confidant, military man), he seems to be a school teacher in Crusher comics.

Dean was a hard-working goodie-two-shoes cub scout who became disillusioned with society's ills and moral decline. Hates drugs and crime, and builds an armored suit and wields a massive gun (of unknown make and origin). Teams with Slasher.

The Lunaticials are, by first appearances, a group of mentally and physically disabled young men and women. However, they are a special group, as they all have extraordinary and supernatural talents and powers that go far beyond normal humans. There are good and evil Lunaticials, and an eternal struggle exists between them. In fact, they essentially end the first two eras, AKA the comedic "Classic Crusher Comics" saga.

Younger brother of Ian Babblet. Has a great sense of humor and loves spending time with Chrusher & Musher and picking on TrOgre.

Monstrous woman in love with Scovillian.

Jamin is one of the nicest guys one can meet. Great sense of humor, gets along with mostly anybody. Training to be a computer technician, but he isn't all brains. The kid is pretty damn muscular and ripped for a high school kid, and an amatuer wrestler. Very athletic and instantly became the muscle of the Conquerors, and Chusher's bodyguard of sorts.

A special ed bus driver/watcher who has a deep passion for elephants. And seems to be attracted to older men's asses.

An extremely rough-and-gruff looking fat old gray-haired biker dude with a love of his Chevy truck. Does NOT like people fucking with his truck or Harley. Wears a Hell's Angels leather jacket and spike-cleated steel-toe boots with skulls that say "DIE" in the tread. Yeah, pretty sure the guy is a dangerous nut and wouldn't be too wise to upset the old fuck. I wouldn't smush his truck with my ass if I were you.

Character from the Transformers toy/cartoon/comic book/movie franchise. Non-canon appearance, just a sketchbook entry by author/artist Christopher Galletta Stevens.

Mom who used to be an arrogant hot chick in Grade School. Got older, had a kid or two and blew up like a hot air balloon. WIth a temper to match.

A mysterious, sadistic trained assassin and serial killer from unknown parts somewhere in Asia. Highly skilled in several secretive and mystic martial arts, including an extremely dangerous black magic Ninjutsu clan. Has no compassion towards he has been hired to kill or who he deems needs to be extinguished.

Lunaticial Infantry. Has coffee can for handouts. Face unseen, but legend has it that she is a whore with a face of a boar.

Character from the Transformers Universe. Non-canon sketchbook artwork by Christopher Galletta Stevens.